A Well Born Lady

When I was growing-up I was allowed to be "a kid" to play outside until the street lights came on, ride my bike with a banana seat, and play kick ball with the neighborhood kids in the street. But, as I grew older, about 12-13 years old, my stepmother began to instruct me in the ways of being a lady. Now, I have found this to be a traditionally Southern ritual, wherein a mother guides a young woman in the rules of dress (such as not wearing white after Labor Day), which eating utensil is used during a meal for which course, and the proper way to stand, sit, show graciousness, and all-important correct use of the English language and proper grammar.

I am so grateful my stepmother instructed me in the rules of etiquette, for it seems to be a dying tradition, but I feel it is important for ladies to behave as ladies and gentlemen to behave as gentlemen. I have taught my two daughters, just as I was taught, and the compliments they receive are remarkable.

Today, however, I am going to share with not what I was taught, but rather rules of lady-like behavior for the 13th century lady. I hope you enjoy them; some are a bit comical by our rather modern standards, others are I find are simply "good taste."

A Well Born Lady

1.  A lady should walk with a measured pace on her way to church, offering friendly greetings to passersby and giving alms to the poor and sick.

2.  "Beware, and let no man touch your breast, except for the one who has a right to [her husband].

3.  A lady should allow no one but her husband to kiss her on the mouth.

4.  A lady should not stare at men, otherwise they might think it done "out of love".

5.  A lady should not boast that someone has asked her for her love.

6.  A lady should not bear any skin but for her throat, hands and her face.

7.  A lady should not accept gifts from men who are not her relatives.

8.  A lady should not quarrel.

9.  A lady should not curse, nor drink or eat too much.

10.  A lady should lift her veil when greeted by a great lord and return the greetings. Ladies need only be veiled at church or in the streets, but an ugly lady should be veiled often, and beautiful ones not at all.

11.  A lady should drink wine to give herself good color, and eat cumin, anise and fennel in the morning to cure bad breath.

12.  A lady should be mindful of her behavior in church and not talk or laugh.

13.  A lady should cross herself at the beginning and end of church.

14.  A lady should let others leave church before herself when the service is over.

15.  A lady should sing often if she has a beautiful voice.

16.  A lady should keep her fingernails neat and trim.

17.  A lady should not laugh or talk too much at meals. If she is eating with a man, she should cut the best bits for him. She should wipe her nose or eyes on the tablecloth. If she is a guest she should not eat too much.

18.  "Nobody will love or serve a lady who lies often."

19.  If a man confesses his love to her, the lady should answer seriously and remain faithful to her lord.

Originally taken from, Chastoiement de Dames, a mid-13th century etiquette book by Robert de Blois, in "Courtly Culture: Literature and Society in the High Middle Ages," by Joachim Bumke.

Peace be to you this day,